Posted by @fatness1 in the SBIX Essay Contest.

Every Phish review must be prefaced with an introduction of the writer to place his perspective into the appropriate context for the reader. I am 31 years old, have been to 71 shows since 1996 (+/- 4 since I can no longer say with absolute certainty whether I was at a particular show), 6 of the 9 festivals (with regrettable absences from Clifford, Went and 8), I walked down the wedding aisle to Tweezer Reprise, I believe that if I ever ascend to heaven and God permits me to select the music I will pick the Reba jam, and after hearing Forbin’s this weekend, I can affirmatively state that I have just about heard everything in the catalogue.

Myself and 3 of my closest friends who love Phish made a decision a few months ago to leave our wives and children at home for what might be “one last hurrah” at the Super Ball. My thought process was that I had seen the band so many times, some good, some not as good, that I no longer needed to drive across the country and reshuffle my life around their tour schedule.

Before I get into the bulk of my Super Ball experience, I’ll just go Tarantino style and tell you the ending - - I have to continue to enjoy the Phish experience for the rest of my life and there is no way I am done- - maybe not as frequently, but I still need it. Just when I thought I was at another place in my life, the music and the friendship again tapped an energy in my soul that rejuvenated it from the daily grind of life and reminded me why a Phish show is about the overall experience and transcends whether or not the Stash was a little off or the song selection was appropriate for that point in the set.

So with that backhanded slap to all the other reviewers who dissect every note of the show, I am going to flat out state that this was the single best Phish show/experience I personally have ever had. And I can only speak for my own experience. Was it the best they have ever played? I don’t know. I’m not a good enough musician or a big enough snob to say whether or not they were musically perfect. After all, chances are that in my years of shows, I was probably making doody in a porta-potty while they were playing their greatest note ever. Conversely, there have definitely been times when I was rocking out like a maniac while they were playing their worst. The truth is that every Phish fans’ opinion is predicated upon a singularly unique experience affected by a long-list of variables, including: sight and sound quality at seats; company of friends; your toxicological rollercoaster; personal song preference; CMI (your “crotch moisture index,” in which scientific studies have shown that high levels of CMI can lead to seriously diminished levels of fun); the presence of a horribly smelling hippie next to you or a 6-year old kid that makes you feel weird and wonder whether you can light up; etc. For me, this weekend at the Glen, I had the perfect blend of all of those factors including an exceptionally low CMI due to recent weight loss and the fact that I showered everyday. So with that all out of the way, here is what I gathered from this weekend:

No band in the world goes to greater lengths to provide their fans with something that is as close to a utopian musical experience as humanly possible. I have sat in at least 12 hours of traffic for all of the prior festivals - - Phish clearly worked on that; I have trekked through mud and rain - - Phish stopped the rain (Trey even acknowledged his ability to do so); I have walked away from 1:02 minute sets in which they were clearly not all of sound mind - - they worked on that and rocked for close to 2 hours every set this weekend; I have suffered through every other inconvenience imaginable - - they no longer exist at these festivals. And why is that - - because of the efforts of Phish and its management. The creation of the entire experience is their true gift and why I am grateful as a fan. As for my particular experience this weekend, well here it is:

My 3 friends and I: stayed at a hotel 5 miles away (shout out to the Glen Motor Inn); got cab rides from a mother and daughter named Pitter and Patty who dropped us off at the gate and were waiting for us every night (even after I pushed her back to 3:30 a.m. for the Storage Set); took showers after the shows (not together although there’s nothing wrong with that); went to a brewery; swam in a lake; ran in a hamster wheel; fell in a hamster wheel; went to a concert that had a hamster wheel???; threw a football; grilled tons of delicious meat; drank a lot of Jack; smoked way too many cigs; tried to figure out whether we could distinguish girl poo from boy poo in a porta-potty (I hypothesized that girl poo comes out with a pink bow); determined that the secret to life and festival survival is peeing clearly to establish you are properly hydrated; came up with an idea for a movie where every man on Earth is given the ability to zap a woman’s clothes off with his eyes (there is a rub here - - you can only use your gift once in your whole life so you better really think about when you would “use it”); the societal ramifications of this gift (whether it convinces women to wear fewer clothes because maybe they would realize that they are less likely to be zapped if they were already scantily clad); a new rule that if you “use it” on a girl who is underage, then it reverses and the user’s own clothes instantly vaporize; the appropriate definition of “underage;” whether a man who has not “used it” can leave his gift in his Last Will and Testament for his next of kin; whether we can get Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn to star in a rom-com called “Using It” where Vince Vaughn falls in love with Jennifer, and even though he can “use it” on anyone in the whole world, he decides at the very end to “use it” on her at which point she responds “You didn’t have to” and he whispers back “I know… I wanted to;” and how much fun it is to now turn to your friend when you see a cute girl and say “used it” (or even funnier on an ugly one).

On top of all these events and jokes, I do recall that they actually played some music this weekend. Please do not take this diatribe as my claim that it does not even matter what the band plays. The bottom line is that all 8 sets were uniquely memorable. I can look at each set and tell you exactly what I did and where I was on the grounds - - that’s how I know the entire show was great. I appreciated them giving Page a lot of spotlight the first two days (I can’t lie, I was dying for a Coil). But, the last set of the weekend was my personal favorite - - the Big Balls opener was the most fun song I have ever heard them play (Fishman does a damn good AC/DC), DWD captured the mood, No Quarter blew my mind, it certainly was Party Time, I love me a dirty Ghost> Jibboo> Light> Waves, Whats the Use? is gorgeous, Meatstick is a far better song than people give it credit for, and Stealing Time is the second best song they have written in the last 10 years (with Mexican Cousin being the best - - wait, am I kidding?). And you thought it was YEM or Fluff or Slave time? Bullocks!

Now, one more pot shot at the Mr. Miner’s of the world. Yeah, that’s you people complaining you didn’t love the Bug/Joy towards the end of Day 1, Set 2. Hasn’t this band earned the right to play whatever they feel like when they have gone to such incredible lengths to please us? Didn’t you notice that they cut Time Turns from the rotation (which Trey should not give up on, he should just rework certain parts of the song which are pretty cool like when the Dead cut Let it Grow off the end to make it a separate song)? Does every song have to be the rager that you like to hear? Would it kill you to go grab a water and pee clearly during the songs you don’t love? I think my biggest annoyance was people complaining about the “boring” Storage Set. 5 sets of loud tunes wasn’t enough for you? For the first time ever, Phish allowed its fans to hear what it may be like when they are alone in the Barn and playing what they want and experimenting without worrying about what the crowd wants to hear. So when they jam ambiently for an hour, sit down and enjoy it, and stop wishing that they may bust something out that you have probably heard 16 times already. Or just “use it” because that’s really fun.

So what is the central theme of this everlasting spoof? I guess my point is that the essence of Phish is not just about what and how they play, but its about creating an overall energy, emotion and experience, and that is what they did this weekend. I think a lot of people look at Phish’s music as that of a painting created by an artist. I do not. I believe that Phish’s music is really just the paintbrush, and the artwork is the overall creation within the community and on the festival grounds. It’s all connected, it’s all a circle, it’s a giant ball - - it truly was a Super Ball.

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